X-Board
by BerryQueen
Summary: BC&S members merge with X-Men and wackiness insues
1. Joss Loves, Man Kills

X-Board; Joss Loves, Man Kills  
  
Okay, I guess if you're not a member of the Buffy Cross & Stakes Message Board you're really not going to find this very amusing. Well, you might ;) We have this ongoing tradition we do over there called "Board Fics" where we take members of the board and splice them with over characters or put them in wacky places & events. Anthony started the whole idea for "X-Board" so I can't take all the credit. But the thing really has taken on a life of it's own.   
  
So you don't get confused:  
Magneto+Max=Maxneto  
Mystique+Mitsy=Mistyique  
Pyro+Heather=Heatro  
The Blob+BoB=The BoB  
Marrow+Maye=Mayerrow  
Rogue+Berry=Berrogue  
Gambit+Anthony=Gambant  
Prof X+Angel X=Prof Angel X  
Cyclops+Oz=Cycloz  
Jean Grey+Bagel=Bagel Grey  
Psylocke+Kira=Ki-Locke  
Beast+Wwolfe=Wwolfe (okay, so this one's a stretch ;p)  
Dr. Cece Reyes+Cherry Willow=Dr. Cheery Reyes  
  
And now, on with the damn story already!  
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NARRATION: They're gifted- and cursed. Blessed with neato powers to either save or destroy all that is. Yet, tragicly cursed because, hey, spandex is itchy. Or something like that.  
MAXNETO: Welcome my Boarderhood of Evil Mutants!  
MISTYIQUE: *claps*  
MAXNETO: Um... shouldn't there be more here? It's not really an evil gang with just the two of us you know.  
MISTYIQUE: Well, no one's really introed any new bad guys so it would be pretty much just us two.  
NARRATION: Suddenly, there's a loud bang at the door of MAXNETO's hideout located somewhere in the ScoobyLand.  
MAXNETO: They must be the new evil mutants that answer my personal ad, joy!  
NARRATION: Three people stand in front of MAXNETO as he pulls the metal door open with his mind (hey, it's a cool party trick kids)  
MAXNETO: Are you here to join the Evil Boarderhood of Mutants(c)?  
HEATRO: That's right mate!  
NARRATION: Heatro, real name Heather St. John with the awesome power of controlling fire and shooting it from her hands.   
MAXNETO: Good to have you a-board. Get it, board?   
HEATRO: That wasn't very funny mate.  
MAXNETO: I'd kill you for that but the author won't let me.  
NARRATION: Damn right, otherwise I'd have to think up more names, and it's harder than it looks. Oh, um, anyways, MAXNETO shakes HEATRO's hand and moves on to the next one in line.  
MAXNETO: Damn you're fat!  
THE BOB: Hi.  
NARRATION: THE BOB, real name Bob J. Dukes, can increase his body's density until he is virtually immovable. This may allow him to actually increase his personal gravitational pull. He is also quite strong, and lately has been learning to actually control his mass, which allows him to mentally direct parts of his blubber.   
MAXNETO: That's the nastiest power yet, ick. I guess it can't get any worse.  
NARRATION: The third person comes forward. Another girl with short pink hair, quiet a beauty in fact... except for all the freaky bone growths coming out of her entire skin.   
MAYERROW: Hello upworlder scum.  
MAXNETO: Spoke too soon. Oh screw it, welcome to The Evil Boarderhood of Mutants(c) guys.   
HEATRO: So, what are we going to do anyways mate?  
MAXNETO: Oh, well, basically attack the Buffy studios.  
HEATRO: Why mate?  
MAXNETO: Because we can, need I explain myself further?  
THE BOB: What about the X-Board? They'll try and stop us.  
MAYERROW: Pretty pretty upworlders all have to burn, burn like the rotting sun!  
MAXNETO: Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, okay there Mayerrow.   
MISTYIQUE: I'm getting my daughter back. Without her, they shall not be able to beat us.  
HEATRO: You really believe that mate?  
MITSYIQUE: Well, no not really, but it'll cause angst and angst sells.  
NARRATION: Yes, yes it does.  
MAYERROW: The gene traitor among them will DIE!!! I don't care about the other pretty pretties, but the one will taste the bitter taste of blood before the night's out!  
HEATRO: Sorry, but the sun's coming up in about an hour mate.  
THE BOB: Do I really have to wear tight spandex? It tends to make my hips look wide.  
MAXNETO: Maybe I should rethink this whole gang...  
NARRATION: Meanwhile, back at the school where our hero's the X-Board call home, Berrogue sits in her room watching the falling ran from her window.  
BERROGUE: Ah wish Ah could figure out the point of this fic is.  
NARRATION: Don't bother, I don't think anyone does.  
BERROGUE: Why's it called Joss Loves, Man kills? Ah don't get it.  
NARRATION: Suddenly, there was a knock at the door  
BERROGUE: Nice change of topic.  
NARRATION: Thank you. Anyway, back to the knock...  
BERROGUE: Oh yeah. *cough* Who is it?  
GAMBANT: Just de Cajun mon chere.  
BERROGUE: C'mon in sugah.  
GAMBANT: Aw chere, you look unhappy, what's wrong?  
BERROGUE: Beside the usual 'Ah can't touch anyone' angst? Ah was just thinking 'bout how depressing the rain is.   
GAMBANT: Oui. Too bad we don' have a mutant who's power could control de weather.  
BERROGUE: Yeah, that would be too easy Ah guess.  
NARRATION: You know, if you two want to take over, you can you know.  
GAMBANT: Really?  
NARRATION: No.  
BERROGUE: Okay, Ah'm homesick, so Ah'm just gonna leave now to fly back down to Mississippi.  
GAMBANT: Dat's sudden of ya'  
BERROGUE: Well, *someone's* gotta move this story along.  
GAMBANT: True dat.  
NARRATION: BERROGUE & GAMBANT have a quick hug (because that's just about ALL they can do) before she flies threw her window. That would hurt most people, but BERROGUE is near invulnerable so there. Before GAMBANT can even steal anything from her room, PROF ANGEL X's voice speaks in his mind (along with all the other X-Boarder's minds)  
PROF ANGEL X: My students, please meet me in the Danger room. Cerebro has found something.  
GAMBANT: *swipes BERROGUE's locket* Well, one pinch for de road.  
NARRATION: All the X-BOARDERS meet down stairs around PROF.  
PROF ANGEL X: I've found a new mutant.  
CYCLOZ: Okay. I'll assemble the team and we'll leave in 1400 hours.  
PROF ANGEL X: *mentally bitchslaps CYCLOZ* The team's already here.  
BAGEL GREY: Do I *really* have to be married to him?  
NARRATION: You could always absorb the PHOENYX FORCE and go insane.  
BAGEL GREY: But I'd still be married to him.  
NARRATION: This is true.   
WWOLFE: So anyway, who is this mutant we shall find upon our journey?  
PROF ANGEL X: Her name is Dr. Cheery Reyes.  
KI-LOCKE: Another doctor? But we already have Wwolfe, so what's the point of her?  
PROF ANGEL X: Her mutant gift is to make a force field.  
GAMBANT: How's dat gonna help us out mon prof?  
PROF ANGEL X: Okay, let me put it this way. If you chose not to go along with the mission, I shall kick you out of the school and you'll have to actually WORK for a living instead of living off of me.  
X-BOARD: Dr. Cheery Reyes it is!  
KI-LOCKE: Gambant, get your bloody hand off of my ass or my psy-knife is going where no woman has gone before and NAN will become a reality.  
  
Next up; finding Dr. Cheery Reyes, the Evil Boarderhood of Mutants(c) make their first move and the story may actually get a plot! ;)  



	2. Hunt for Red October

Okay, disclaimer here from everyone's favorite Berry.I neither own X-Men, Buffy, Sailor Moon, or anything else I knocked off while writing this.Again, Anthony is the original inspiration for "X-Board" so I didn't end up as Rogue due to my own ego.

These stories are all pretty much X-Men merged with BC&S members with Buffy themes.Confused yet?Join the club ;)The Buffy Cross & Stake Board can be found at [http://www.voy.com/14562/][1]Also, there's a link somewhere to the whole universe that **IS** X-Board other than my stories since Anthony, Oz & I all write the wacky adventures in the X-Board verse, but I'll have to go by Ant cause I can't find the damn addy.  
  
So you don't get confused:  
Magneto+Max=Maxneto  
Mystique+Mitsy=Mistyique  
Pyro+Heather=Heatro  
The Blob+BoB=The BoB  
Marrow+Maye=Mayerrow  
Rogue+Berry=Berrogue  
Gambit+Anthony=Gambant  
Prof X+Angel X=Prof Angel X  
Cyclops+Oz=Cycloz  
Jean Grey+Bagel=Bagel Grey  
Psylocke+Kira=Ki-Locke  
Beast+Wwolfe=Wwolfe (okay, so this one's a stretch ;p)  
Dr. Cece Reyes+Cherry Willow=Dr. Cheery Reyes  
  
In the great words of someguy, sit down, shut up & read!;)  
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NARRATION: They're gifted- and cursed.Blessed with neato powers to either save or destroy all that is.Yet, tragicly cursed because, hey, spandex is itchy and tends to cling to your thighs.Or something like that.

MAXNETO: Okay, Boarderhood of Evil Mutants©, lets do some evil!

THE BOB: Come again?

NARRATION: THE BOB and HEATRO stifle a laugh.Perverts.

MAXNETO: We, that being us, are going to do some evil, thus create naughtiness run amuck.

MAYERROW: Wet dripping blood like water down a drainpipe!!

HEATRO: Calm down mate.

MAXNETO: Yes, well, like I was saying before hand, let's go attack the Buffy Studios.

NARRATION: THE BOB lifts his hand.

MAXNETO: Yes?

THE BOB: Um,... why again are we attacking?I'm still not quite clear on this.I know we're evil, but we all like the show and Riley's already gone to boot.

MAXNETO: He is?

HEATRO: Yeah, where have you been mate?

MAXNETO: *looks at the narrator* Riley's gone?

NARRATION: Um yeah, I thought you knew.

MAXNETO: Oh, um, er...

NARRATION: *sigh* Riley felt that Buffy didn't love him because he was so 'human' so he starts this obsession with being bitten by vampires because he gets off on the danger.Buffy catches him in the act, they fight.Then Riley gets a visit from the army and they ask him to come with them and Riley ends up leaving with Buffy calling out to him but he can't hear him.

HEATRO: How 'bout we attack the Buffy studio then because Oz is still gone, mate?

MAXNETO: Whatever, we'll figure it out when we get there.

NARRATION: The Evil Boarderhood of Mutants© all stare at each other and twirl their thumbs.

MAXNETO: Hey, where's MISTYIQUE?

NARRATION: Meanwhile, our hero's the X-Board have landed in Brooklyn in search for a mutant by the name of Dr. Cheery Reyes. 

CYCLOZ: *looking at the title* I thought we were looking for Dr. Cheery Reyes.

BAGEL GREY: We are. 

CYCLOZ: Oh... okay.Um, who is Red October?

NARRATION: Stop talking damnit!

KI-LOCKE: Hold on guys.

GAMBANT: You see somet'ing chere?

KI-LOCKE: No, my thong was riding up.

GAMBANT: Need a lil' help, non?

NARRATION: GAMBANT places his thief hand on her backside.KI-LOCKE, true to her word, sticks her Psy-blade into GAMBANT'S, uh, "best friend".GAMBANT drops to the ground whimpering.

WWOLFE: Well, that was certainly childish.To quote Fabio "The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music that I know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me when women are nearby"

BAGEL GREY: What??

NARRATION: WWOLFE rolls his eyes as GAMBANT somehow climbs to his feet.Meanwhile, just down the block, a group of young people are enjoying their lunch at the local Mickey Dee's.

SOCKS: Dude, these fries are rad!

HAZEL: Oh I know!

VAMPYRSLAYER: Mmm, how about that Big n' Tasty? TeeHee

SURLEIGH: I'm totally digging these McNuggests.

XANDER'SWOMAN: *mouth full* Smuff ampfft mmmrrk!

HAZEL: You said it Xander'sWoman!

NARRATION: The five girls laugh because they think it's funny.Ha?

SURLEIGH: *looks at Narrator* Where the hell did you come from?

NARRATION: Anyway, suddenly there's a huge explosion across the street.

SOCKS: Evil's a foot!

HAZEL: You know what that means!

XANDER'SWOMAN: Scooby Scouts, attack!

NARRATION: Annoying dance music starts up and all the girls suddenly are in little outfits with equally strange skirts & thigh high hooker boots.Yes, I'm not even kidding.

VAMPYRSLAYER: I am Sailor Angel!

SURLEIGH: I am Sailor Willow!

HAZEL: I am Sailor Giles!

XANDER'SWOMAN: I am Sailor Xander!

SOCKS: And I am Sailor Buffy!And by the power of Buffy, we shall punish you!

NARRATION:After those annoying 5 minutes of roll call were over, they rush over the building that has exploded.But, awaiting them there was the X-Board.

HAZEL: Sailor Buffy!Evil's taken shape!

WWOLFE: *Taking a look at the Scooby Scout* What the fuck?

GAMBANT: Uh,..

VAMPYRSLAYER: Black.... Leather... Pants... Attack!

NARRATION: The X-Board watch as some pretty hokey light display happens from some wand Sailor Angel was holding.They look at each other.

BAGEL GREY: Um, what now?

Come back for part 3! ;)Sailor Buffy & The Scooby Scouts take on X-Board.Meanwhile, what evil plan does the Evil Boarderhood of Mutants© have cooked up?And where the hell is Dr. Cheery Reyes?!?

   [1]: http://www.voy.com/14562/



End file.
